It's meat against meat in the fight for the domain Sex.com

BullWhip, a meat company from Southern California is in the fighting ring against PETA for the domain Sex.com.

BullWhip Executive Vice President, Dick James, has sent out this press release to the media, stating:

“Meat is good for all. There is nothing wrong with eating meat and we will develop Sex.com to deliver this message to the world. Our plans are to have celebrities such as Angelina Jolie eating a hot dog or Eliza Dushku with two big slabs of Angus steak on her breasts. Britney Spears and Paris Hilton have also been contacted to fight in a tub of hamburger. We want Sex.com to show the world how meat can enhance your mood, satisfy your gut but overall, we just want the domain to say ‘Fuck You, PETA’.”

When asked what sex had to do with meat, the BullWhip Executive VP responded:

“Hell if I know. But with all the wars resolved, homeless people eating vegetables and our economy now booming we needed a way to grab everyone’s attention. What better way than to buy Sex.com?”

For updates, follow us on twitter at http://twitter.com/domaingang

The box alone is worth at least $30!

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Unzip the WebsiteInABox.zip file.

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This is the last straw. I swear.

We have been through a lot together, all five pages of your content and right side Adsense ads.

Today, after six months of holding my breath you finally registered a click. Not just any click. But your first click. I will mark this down as the official day of when you began to give back.

I don’t ask much; only to become the richest man alive by your presence. You were created as a monetary servant but instead you have acted like an ungrateful Wikipedia step child.

Enough is enough.

I have not decided if I shall go back to parking or try one of the other “make money now or your money back” guaranteed systems. You know, the push button WordPress crap that some monkeys call “minisite development”.

The ultimatum is this: If you do not perform as expected within one month I shall have to flip you.

Your ungrateful body will be paraded from the dusty domain bazaars of DNForum to the minisite slavery markets of NamePros. You will be sold, as a slave to a rich web developer, to do as they please with your shell and content.

Minisite, it’s your last chance to make it happen.

Bring me gold or bring me death: death to my PPC earnings, death to my portfolio value, death to the soul that makes me a man! For all that I have lived and dreamed of you, Minisite, all I beg in return is to make me the new Rick Schwartz – transform me into the new domain king of kings!

Stay ahead in the dating game. Find available women easier and faster. Use the MasterDating package to research and conquer women that you can flip, hold or cuddle with at night. You can even use it to start your own “Dating” service.

You can make it happen with MasterDating!

Hi. My name is Tia Wood and like you I sleep alone in a bed at night wishing I could just get even a finger tap from a real human being. Our lives of solitude behind a computer screen day after day after day does not have to be like this. Therefore, I designed the MasterDating package so that we never have to face this problem again.

What is MasterDating?

MasterDating is a series of self reassuring flash cards designed to be a part of your morning ritual. It contains phrases such as:

“Relax. She likes it when you come to bed at 4am.”

“Some women like pasty white humans.”

“Internet was for porn anyway.”

“It’s not the size of your package but indeed the size of your domain portfolio.”

“.Tel IS the future of the Internet.”

What Comes Included with the MasterDating Package?

“Best Dating Lines” eBook

1 blow up doll (gender of your choice) that you can practice your dating lines with.

400 self reassuring flash cards

$1 off Match.com subscription

“How to Get a Life and Keep It” eBook

How Do I Use MasterDating?

It’s easy! Stand in front of the mirror each morning with your self reassuring flash cards. Practice repeating each phrase in the mirror at yourself and smile in the process. Your cognitive system will begin to process and turn these self reassuring phrases into positive thoughts and therefore give you a positive vibe. This absolute positive vibe is attractive to females.

MasterDating Support

I want you to succeed with the MasterDating package. If you have not found a date after 65 days of use, I will personally take you out on a nice, romantic date and tell you all the things about yourself that women refrain from saying to your face.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q. Am I Guaranteed a date with MasterDating?

A. Only if you follow the program on a daily basis. Especially pay attention to the “How to Get a Life and Keep It” eBook which outlines the following topics:

Chapter 1 – How to Get Out of the House

Chapter 2 – No, You Cannot Legally Marry a PC

Chapter 3 – Using Multiple Domain Registrars: Is it Cheating?

Chapter 4 – Avoid the DogHouse When Ogling Chef Patrick or Bido Models

Chapter 5 – Allow Me to Introduce You to the Sun

Chapter 6 – Screw This. Let’s Register Some Domains.

Chapter 7 - Just Marry a Female Domainer – You Won’t Have This Problem

Chapter 8 – When All Else Fails, The Internet is for Porn Anyway

Stay tuned for my next self help package: MasterBaiting – A helpful resource for all you fishermen out there.

The seller, Jessica Gulli states:

“I have had an offer from our Almighty Savior himself in the amount of $20,000 USD. I consider the offer to be acceptable in absence of any significantly higher offer or power. As a result, instead of holding an auction I will now be doing as my Jesus instructed.”

“Despite the fact that the offer is from a non-human entity, it is my intention to give careful consideration to all offers that end up in my bank account. I would like to wrap things up within the next few days as I plan to go on vacation in Paris. Praise God!”

This left many individuals upset including a small town man named Gerald Mayfield:

“Who can compete against freakin Jesus? Since he, God and the Holy Ghost are all joint owners of heaven, this means Jesus is going to get $6,666 of this deal therefore only paying out $13.3k.”

When Gulli was questioned on why she neglected to contact Jesus first before scheduling the eBay auction, she explained:

“My viewpoint has changed over the last week after a lot of thinking and praying. Things aren’t always 20/20. Besides, nobody can outbid Jesus. It’s the perfect shill bidding, suckers!”.

Bruce is among the many domainers waiting more than three hours for pages to load while he tries to register domain names today.

“It’s insane,” he says with a glazed look in his eyes. “Me and Chef Patrick have been waiting since 3am this morning to register the new line of .me domains. The page finally loaded and I am on page two of checkout.”

Other domainers were not so lucky.

“I got mauled.” Aron Meystedt, owner of XF.com and Symbolics.com stated. He sits quietly on a bench with bandages wrapped around his head. “Some guy in a Rick Latona mask broke into my house and smashed me & my PC trying to get to my $4.99 GoDaddy coupon.”

At Google headquarters, the line extended around the block based off a “prank” initiated by Yahoo for free adsense promotion. Meanwhile, thousands watch the madness from Google Earth as the same scenario repeated itself across various internet corporate locations.

Some domainers prefer to skip the madness.

“Me and Arbel Arif just phone our bids in.” Morgan Linton of Domainvestors.tv shrugs. “It is the same way every year: slow loading pages, fights over domain coupons and anonymous name calling in chats. So, we just phone our Sedo bids in.”

Linton says the key to successful domaining on Black Friday is to think ‘offline’. For instance, in addition to phone bidding you can:

• Register domains by snail mail
• Use domain coupons by telegraph
• Post to message boards over a TDD phone

“You just have to think outside the box to get through the day,” He says smiling while uploading his latest video to YouTube via a modified microwave.

Domain Gang wishes you all a safe and happy Black Friday!

Happy Thanksgiving to all! We wish you the best Domainer Thanksgiving from all of us here at DomainGang.com.

“Thankful to be alive.  thankful to have been given so many chances.  thankful for so many people i’ve met over the years that have informed my way of being even if they didn’t know it.  thankful for never having had to worry about not having enough to eat.  thankful that i’ve been blessed with the abilities and the mindset that i dont believe I’ll ever have to worry about not having enough to eat.  sometimes i’m just thankful when the sun is shining.”

Michael – Domainimal.com

“Thankful for all the men and women serving our great nation.”

Dan – USO.com

“I am thankful for family and the people who have come into my life over the years.”

Tia Wood – TiaWood.com

“Thankful for all the men and women serving our great nation.”

Dan – USO.com

“Thanks to our readers for allowing us to make a website dedicated to the funnier side of domaining. We look forward making you guys laugh for years to come!”

DomainGang.com Team

“On the eve of Thanksgiving, I sit here and reflect on how fortunate I am to be where I am…..

First and foremost I am thankful for my wife and three boys – each minute with them is precious and memorable….they are extraordinarily supportive of my serial entreprenurial activities and have empowered me to be the success I am today.”

Andrew Hazen – AndrewHazen.com

“….I appreciate my readers I am thankful for my family, my wife and kids are very understanding of my crazy schedule and long hours and during holidays it is about them. It is time to get away from the keyboard for awhile and remember what is really important…..”

Bruce Marler – BruceMarler.com

“…In the spirit of the holiday I have much to be thankful for. I’d like to thank my readers, friends, family, development team and advertisers….”

Chef Patrick – ChefPatrick.com

“Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!”

FKA200.com

“Happy Thanksgiving everyone! You should all be spending time with family right now and eating some delicious Turkey (or Tofurkey if you’re a vegetarian!). I decided to make a special video for today to give thanks to those in the Domaining industry that have helped and inspired me!”

Domainvestors.tv

“…We are thankful for freedom, family,  and health. We are thankful for this great industry that has offered so many opportunities for us “normal” people…”

Symbolics.com

————————————————————————————————

Want to inspire Domain Gang for future content?

Send your ideas to Giovanni: GiovanniMossolini (at) gmail.com

“It never fails. YouTube always takes the worst snapshot for the video thumbnail, lol.”

We agree. Therefore, here are four video screenshots that we feel would make better thumbnails:

Yahoo officials described YO! as an “experimental language” that attempts to competitively confuse the hell out of any developer. It combines modern day street talk with short code lines in an effort to produce speed and compatibility throughout all programming flavors.

Team members are excited as they describe the concept of YO!

“In our experiments with YO! to date, the code compiles fast like a mofo. It’s really, for real, like fast.”

Meanwhile, on the Frequently Asked Questions page of the YO! development team website, the FAQ stated:

“YO! For realz my developa! We try to bring yo azz the shiniz of all dev shiz”.

Indeed, in the same FAQ, Yahoo admits that YO! was developed to give its developers something to do and not necessarily meant for a productive environment.

“We threw the concept together like two days ago. I mean, we have to piggyback off Google’s press release somehow, right?”

Among the trends behind the origin of YO! are:

• People English is gettin’ dumber, yo. We needs programming language yo people can understand, can yo diggit?
• Why the hell not? Google be doing it. So be we.
• It’s boring here.

YO! is to be released sometime in the spring of 2015 but not before the fifth full moon rises over California while the previous winter frost has just melted but sometime after the first cricket burps.

As I lay to sleep at night thinking of the day’s work and winding down from my long domainer day; a continual thought pops into my head each night: Can Chef Patrick really cook? Does his wife really get to enjoy the benefits of having her own personal cook in the house?

I did some digging to try and solve this mystery.

Evidence #1 – He depicts himself doing domestic chores in a comic.

I don’t know about you but I would not be caught dead unclogging the toilet for my wife. Unless I were a Chef, of course.

Evidence #2 – His advertisers support his image.

“Fresh” is a common term in cooking. I would also not allow my advertisers to use the words “Fresh” and “Drop” together unless it were a constipation relief company or unless I were a Chef, of course.

Evidence #3 – His main site at PatrickRuddell.com reflects split personality disorder.

Patrick does not see himself as an individual but the whole of three types of personalities as evidenced in the above screen shot. Also concerning is the caption of “Who is this Madman?“. (What if I met Patrick and he turned out to be normal?? Disappointing!). But look at personality #3: IT’S THE CHEF!

Evidence #4 – His videos make me hungry.

I have no idea why. But they do. And hunger is relevant to cooking. Therefore, it must be entered into evidence.

Evidence #5 – His wallpaper does, too.

Hmm. I don’t know. Anybody want eggs or something?

Evidence #6 – Uhh

Does Chef Patrick really cook? I don’t know. You should ask him. In the meantime, check out the NippleGate scandal.

At DomainGang, we are offering something similar. Every time you tweet “@brucemarler is lazy and steals FF lists” <- (Click it, for the lazy people), we are prepared to donate $0.001 to mass domain development research.

Name Drop. Name Drop. Name Drop.

Name drop any chance you get. For instance: Frank Schilling, Rick Schwartz and Kevin Ham. Include reasons why you like them. Regurgitate their accomplishments and include links to their blog so they know you’re sucking their ass.

Bold Words You Want to Get

Bold words you want to get while seoing your site. This also helps in name dropping names such as Frank Schilling, Rick Schwartz and Kevin Ham. Also, randomly bold other words you don’t want so readers do not catch on.

Include Irrelevant Screenshots and Spam the Hell Out of Alt

Screenshots not only make the page look pretty but you can stuff up the alt.

And it takes up more space when you really don’t have much to say.

When Commenting, Don’t Leave Your Name. Leave Your Site’s Name

Comment on blogs and don’t leave your name. Confuse the hell out of readers by leaving your site’s name instead. This best works for parked pages and crummy sites you want to drive traffic to. Never leave input related to the article. Just post things such as “nice site” or “good idea”.

Repeat Keywords. Even if They Sound Funny

Screw the readers. We want SEO placement. Get good SEO placement by repeating key keywords for SEO placement. It doesn’t matter if it sounds like you’re repeating yourself about SEO placement. Just ensure you get good SEO placement by sounding like ten second Tom.

This type of site is called a search engine which allows you to find websites and pages on the internet, making it easy to find what you are looking for.

Hang on a second… Huh? What, Lucius? It’s already been launched? Well, how long ago was that?! This is embarrassing. The article has already been posted.

———————EDIT———————

Sorry about that guys. It seems I am running a little behind on things. But if you needed a reminder, the website is at www.Google.com. I think you should check it out.

———————EDIT———————

Here is something unique that you may not know about. It’s called Wikipedia. You can save money by not going to the library or bugging people to research information for you. It’s all searchable in one site and you can edit it yourself.

Jake and Elli Johanna of Dating Services, INC.

“We are thrilled about our recent domain purchase:  ReallySinglePeopleDatingToday.info. We advertise the URL in every local newspaper and often we pass out fliers in bars. I really like how our domain can be accessed from anywhere, even while we sleep. The domain thingy only costs us $10 and my wife designed this in the GoDaddy browser. So we think it’s really cool.”

Justin Carmax of Skis N Trips Tours, LLC.

“So? I really do not care how freakin great your domain name is or how many people go there every day. Do you know how many people come to visit me in the actual flesh every day? Yeah. My business does completely fine without a website. And yeah. Quote me on that and never email me again. Tell your little phucking friends to stop calling me.”

Jessica Lively of Fake Furrs Fashion

“Huh? WTF is a domainer conference? Like why would I want to go to one of those? But seriously, my website: FakeFurrFashionTiger.com gets enough sales each day and I do not have the time to attend some other conference crap. Hello?  I go to enough of those. Stop calling.”

Phinellipi Davis of Davis Jewelery Makers, INC.

“I like things that would such help my business. So, I have telephone conversation with one of you domainers very recently, I think. He want a lot of money for something my internet connection people give free. Then he screamed at me and said he was just going to flip instead. But then he call back, apologized and say that recent comparison of price was listed on DMJournal.  I tell him no again and he hang up. You people are nuts.”

Jessica Lively of Fake Furrs Fashion

“Okay. I already told you I do not care about conferences. Stop calling me using different voices. I know it’s you.”

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