Yo ho ho! Santa might not be as nice to you as this domainer lady this year!
It happens every once in a while: Christmas gets canceled by command of the Federal Authority for Christmas Celebrations.
In the past 250 years, roughly a dozen times was the economy so bad that this little-known federal agency recommends the cancellation of all Christmas celebrations to the local state and county governments – in order to preserve much-needed funds.
This year, the economy has been so bad that domain owners have seen their parking income dwindle faster than Santa can ride his sleigh from the North Pole to Rockford, Alabama.
So what do domainers expect to get for Christmas this year, other than the proverbial chunk of coal?
We interviewed a few domainers – almost at random – and got their responses back:
Frank Schilling:
“I look forward to selling a few *cough* hundred thousand domains to better *ugh* manage my huge portfolio. Domain monetization can no longer pay for the renewal fees. I might have to sell my house in the Caribbean and move back to Canada!”
Rick Schwartz:
“Although I don’t celebrate Christmas really, I can tell you folks one thing: The sky is falling and there is evidence all around us. Just watch the movie 2012 for proof. What would you do 20 years – no, make that 30 years from now – when you have no single word .com’s like I do? Nothing. You’ll be in the streets of Ft. Lauderdale, panhandling. So diversify now folks, the numbers NEVER LIE!”
Dr. Kevin Ham: (a.k.a “The man who owns the Internet”)
“Investing in domains is the smartest thing I ever did. I am smarter than anyone – including Santa – as I implement round robin DNS to multi-monetize my traffic, even in the cold nights of winter. This Christmas, I predict my revenue to increase by a factor of 24 compared to last year.”
Rick Latona:
“Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away. This year, with TRAFFIC so near, I’ll give it to someone who’s special!”
Ron Jackson:
“If you write again about how I sold DNJournal when in fact I didn’t, I will have to come and personally smack you in the head with my heavy duty Sony camera!”
Chef Patrick:
“This Christmas I expect a whole lot food – cooked by my lovely wife – and more paint-on models with ample tops will appear in my upcoming video, ‘Christmas with Chef Patrick’. I plan to capture a lot of male teenage traffic with this partial nudity of chick models. God, I love domaining!”
Bruce Marler:
“The economy sucks? Not really. Missouri.me has been selling ads left and right. We have captured 75% of all the local barber shop ad revenue – that’s 3 out of 4 – who are now doing great. Same with pet stores and Momma’s Flowers, an elite flower boutique – they are all advertising their businesses on Missouri.me. Merry Christmas, suckers!”
Owen Frager:
“I would like to thank my sponsors and my brand new followers on twitter: IBM, Intel, AMD, Hewlett Packard, the FCC, UCF, DMV and MTV. Domains? What’s that?”
And that concludes our research.
Whether you plan to receive a chunk of coal or lots of revenue from your business and personal ventures this Christmas, make sure you give part of it to a charity of your choice. There are people out there that die from starvation, every day.
I look forward to this time of year, usually get a little more in parking revenue. There has been some amazing deals this year, happy hunting folks, don’t forget to donate and do some local shopping.
No kidding, some domainers have it easy while some are starving. But thanks for the funny post 🙂
I’d like to stand under the mistletoe with the “domainer lady” in the photo.
Can you help arrange it?
And supply the mistletoe?
Richard, keep your credit cards in the freezer, that’s what I’m told 😉
Patrick, come on man. If I arranged that meeting with the domainer lady clad in Santa Claus outfit, do I really have to provide the mistletoe as well???