Lance Armstrong – Ready to conquer space.
Disgraced cyclist, Lance Armstrong, is not the type of person that gives up easily.
Despite the recent humiliating expulsion of Lance Armstrong from the International Cycling Union, extreme sports still exist in the future plans of this testicular cancer survivor.
“I survived cancer, I will survive this small headache,” said Lance Armstrong at a press conference, adding:
“Space baby, it’s where all the money is at. Who gives a f*** about wheels anymore, after seeing Felix Baumgartner jump from space. Let’s see how they’ll accuse me of using steroid drugs in that type of extreme sports activity, dumb f***s!” exclaimed the former seven time winner of Tour de France.
Lance Armstrong is thus launching First Jump, a space age initiative for first-time space jumpers.
Based off Nevada, it will utilize the services of pioneering company X-Space Rockets to launch specially constructed weather balloons into the stratosphere. From there, himself and students of the First Jump Space Academy will become repeat space jumping pioneers.
“I learned that in life if you fail at something, you pick up your bones and stuff them back into your body,” said Lance Armstrong. “It’s not a figure of speech, many times I broke bones riding a bike, now it’s the ultimate test with First Jump!” he exclaimed.
FirstJump.org will provide information about Lance Armstrong’s new space jumping initiative, which should be ready to go live before Christmas.
