Big Joe Bubba is patiently awaiting for Nelson "Halvarez" Brady at San Quentin federal prison

After news about Nelson “Halvarez” Brady broke all over the domain blogosphere, we took the liberty to interview a potential future cellmate of Halvarez – Big Joe Bubba.

Big Joe Bubba is currently incarcerated in the San Quentin federal prison, after he was sentenced to 20 years for manslaughter, multiple sodomy, arson and grand theft auto.

At 325lbs and 6ft 4″ tall, Big Joe Bubba looks like the perfect cellmate for an intelligent, soft-spoken corporate engineer like Halvarez.

“Big Joe Bubba, we heard you’re looking forward to spending several years with Nelson “Halvarez” Brady in San Quentin.”

“Yeah. Can’t wait for that little bitch to come on over. I get lonely at night and I get tired humping my pillow. After a while, the feathers spill out. Man, can’t wait for that sweetmeat Halvarez.”

“Is it true that San Quentin is really tough? Why do they call it ‘PMITA’? “

“Don’t know huh? It means “pound me in the ass” prison. And that’s what happens here, my man. Halvarez drops the soap in the showers? He gets cornholed before he can blink twice. It’s the law of the bigger man, you hear?”

“Surely that’s some undue punishment. The guy isn’t that big of a crook. At least not compared to Bernie Madoff.”

“Ha! No shit. And you know, I don’t care. When Nelson comes to San Quentin he will get constant tea-bagging, you know? And it’s not an import from India. No sir. That motherf*cker will taste some California grass right off my balls!”

“Hmm okay, Big Joe Bubba. You’re the man. Anything you want to share with our readers?”

“Yeah. You do the crime, you do the time. It’s the law. And the law in my cell is that you get to be my bitch. So kids, watch out and play safe or Big Joe Bubba will come and get you!”