Google and Gmail to begin offering PRISM-free accounts

Your online privacy matters to Google - for a fee.

Your online privacy matters to Google – for a fee.

Google, already the titan in search engine volume, stores information about trillions of web pages and other private communication, such as email.

Gmail was included on the PRISM list, the secret initiative by the NSA that allegedly processes mass amounts of raw data in real time.

If you are concerned about your privacy online, particularly if you often email compromising pictures of yourself, Google is about to roll out a solution, for a small fee.

“We received a lot of feedback during the initial reports that Google and Gmail share private information with the NSA,” said company spokes-person Rhonda Hellpme.

“We’re rolling out a new product that will satisfy the very few who still care about privacy online, and will hopefully stop complaining,” added Ms. Hellpme.

Arriving in two flavors in July, Google Glare Shield(tm) and Gmail Glare Shield(tm) will provide instant filtration from NSA searches. The new products sit as a secure layer between the Google and Gmail servers and NSA, ensuring that no paid customers’ information is ever seen by the NSA, ever – ever!*

“For $29  monthly you have peace of mind and a good reason to continue using Google and Gmail over Bing and Outlook,” said Rhonda Hellpme.

“Microsoft does not offer that, and on Windows 8 every tap of your screen is recorded, we are sure!” exclaimed the Google spokesperson.

According to the initial white paper for the new products, $9 will be allocated to a special government-sponsored fund for the well-being of former NSA agents hurt in the process of data research.

*Some restrictions apply.


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2 Responses to “Google and Gmail to begin offering PRISM-free accounts”
  1. RaTHeaD says:

    your wackiness has been noted.

  2. DomainGang says:

    RaTHeaD – Every time I respond to your comments, it feels like talking to myself in the mirror. 😛

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