How would a domain UDRP be settled in another time and era

Mine! The oldest settled UDRP in a cave drawing from stone age.

Even though domains are a thing of not so recent past, barely going into the mid-80’s, the commercialization of the Internet a decade later brought forth the ownership of such virtual property.

And with it, the challenging of it by others. Enter, the UDRP.

Quite often nowadays some famous or obscure corporation attempts to wrestle domains away from legitimate or speculating owners; while some claims are valid as they are based on trademark ownership, quite a few are simple attempts to bully out “squatters” from the land they grabbed at landrush time.

What would be the case if domains existed at all eras?

Although it’s a time paradox, we attempted to project such a situation – how would domain UDRP’s be settled in another time and era 🙂

Stone Age:
Both Complainant and Respondent use wooden clubs, rocks and the occasional nipple twist to settle the ownership rights. The decision is written using deer feces on the cave walls.

Ancient Egypt:
Let it be known that by the command of Tuthmosis the Great pharaoh, decision is made to pay the Complainant with twenty acres of crop land, ten vessels of beer and the youngest daughter of the respondent to be given as wife. Let this be inscribed on top of the stele of Ammun Ra, the God, the omnipresent, the one.

Biblical times:
By the decision of this tribunal, by the blessing of Jehovah and His power, would an eye for an eye be enough to undo this injustice? How, oh men of Israel, can we go about with our lives, our beloved city of Jerusalem having become a merchant’s whore? Give this man the property that is by right his, and cut the arms and the legs off this Respondent.

Ancient Greece:
Tell me, oh men of Athens, is it not true – and by that I plead you for your mastery of words – that the Complainant, devoid of any rights to this property managed to gather the Spartans and the Thebeans against our citizens, land and morals? Place your judgment upon those that ruin the ideals of society and corrupt its youth, and ostracize this man for his reverse attempt to squat the Respondent’s property.

Roman times:
Is the Republic capable to resolve such issues, is the Senate aware of how Rome has become corrupt and the words of its people fall on deaf ears? Men of Rome, oh Caesar – we should go to war to deliver to the barbarian squatters the message that no man disrespectful of the rules of Rome shall sleep calmly at night.

Dark ages:
Ha! He sold a domainion for two chicken and wants three cows now? Bollocks! Man, thy fateful and ungracious greed matches no other sin of man. Off with his head! Off with his head!

Medieval times:
It’s the infidels that occupied this man’s land in the holy city of Jerusalem, and by the name of St. John – men of Flanders and men of France and men of holy heart – it is time to embark once again in a holy crusade. Join me in liberating this man’s domain!

Seminole wars:
Big Hairy Dog took tippee from Swift Legs. Wife of Swift Legs left property expire. Wife chose. As Manitu watches, we respect Wife. Let tippee be given to Big Hairy Dog. Now dance around fire.

The French Revolution:
Francois Gaston de la Villmen, by the power of the French Republic, you are hereby ordered to surrender all claims to this property. You will now be led to the Bastille and await your execution. Vive la France!

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Comments

6 Responses to “How would a domain UDRP be settled in another time and era”
  1. Holly says:

    That was a masterpiece post! Thanks for the laughs 😀

  2. Lucius "Guns" Fabrice says:

    Holly, have you ever lost a UDRP? Then you’d know it’s not fun 😀

  3. Seminoles didn’t use teepees. Plains Indians did. Seminoles used Chickees. However, I just noticed you actually used the word Tippee which, according to legend, was used exclusively by the great Seminole Chief Sahar Latona Schwartz.

  4. Lucius "Guns" Fabrice says:

    David, thank you for the correction. Obviously that old diary that was handed to us from the wife of the native American chief, whose great-great-great-grandson fought for the Confederate states was written under the influence of some bad quality firewater.

  5. Danny Pryor says:

    Hilarious! How would the mafia handle it? 😉

  6. Lucius "Guns" Fabrice says:

    Danny, I think the mafia *is* currently handling it 😀

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