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How to become an Expert Domainer despite having no clue what you’re doing

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The fun part about domaining is that it resembles a Middle Eastern bazaar. Those that yell about their wares or other offers the loudest, end up attracting the endless hordes of lazy, shoe-shuffling crowds around them.

A large percentage of people that indulge into domaining these days are also self-appointed “experts” in several fields: development, SEO, copywriting, social media etc.

There’s a new domainer expert born every minute a WordPress template is downloaded.

We thought we’d make it easy for you to become an Expert Domainer, without having to try much.

Here’s a mini guide on what you need to keep in mind so that others view you as a person of great importance, when in fact you have no background with domains, no history of sales, no development portfolio and no real place in the industry other than the pathetic domain portfolio that you’ve amassed.

  1. Get a blog. Call it “FirstNameBlog.com” or if that’s already taken go after “FirstNameLastNameBlog.com”
  2. Install WordPress and get a $27 skin for it.
  3. Start blogging about your day: what you did with yourself, or your girlfriend or about something you read in another blog.
  4. Blog about something your friend wrote in another blog and link to it. Ask your friend to blog about what you did and to link to yours. Infinite loop.
  5. Tweet and blog about your blog. Don’t forget to thank people for retweeting your thanks and blog about it. Then tweet about it again. Tell your friends to tweet about your tweets and blog about them as well.
  6. Mention the latest GoDaddy coupons and where you can get web hosting for under $5. Anything cheap or free is a great subject on your way to become a celebrity “Expert Domainer”.
  7. Never mention your portfolio directly. Just say that your (sucky) collection of long tail domains are “under development” and that you own a large number of “verticals” and have invested in “geo-domains”. Noone will suspect that you own such gems as OutdoorsFightingMachines.com, SpanishFlyTraps.com or AtlantaGeorgiaByNight.org
  8. The moment you flip a domain at any forum for $50 you are an “Experienced Seller”.
  9. The moment you buy a domain at any forum for $100 you become a “Domain Investor”.
  10. The moment you throw an one-pager with a basic image header and a footer, with Adsense in-between you are a “Domain Developer”.
  11. Repeat steps 8, 9 and 10 several times to further establish your fame as an “Expert Domainer”.
  12. Be part of every industry gathering you can afford to attend, in order to exchange business cards and hang out with the big domainers. When they ask what you do, mention “domain development and monetization with a business focus on geo-domains and utilization of social media” as the single killer line. You’ll be recognized immediately as part of the group.
  13. Don’t forget to add as many “friends” as you can on Facebook even though you never met them. Add as many “co-workers” at LinkedIn as you can, even though you never worked with them. Follow as many social media “experts” on Twitter even though you have never heard of Internet Relay Chat.
  14. Advertise your expertise! Find cheap blogs to place your flashy, animated banners on and make sure you leave comments on these blogs, daily. Make sure everyone knows you are alive and kicking and that you’re available for “development”.
  15. Become an expert name-dropper. At every opportunity, mention famous domainers, their domains, what they did with them and how much the domaining industry benefited from their existence. Act as if you actually had tea and biscuits with them and you discussed matters of importance.

In a nutshell: To become an “Expert Domainer” you simply need to lie to yourself first, and then to others.


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Comments

22 Responses to “How to become an Expert Domainer despite having no clue what you’re doing”
  1. Fusible says:

    We love your posts. They get better each day and always give us a smile. Keep up the great work

  2. Lucius "Guns" Fabrice says:

    Thanks for the support, Fusible. Laughter is the best medicine – according to both doctors and clowns. πŸ˜€

  3. TeenDomainer says:

    Lol this one got a smile out of me

  4. Lucius "Guns" Fabrice says:

    At DomainGang, we’re guilty of all these 15 points, day after day! πŸ˜€

  5. Shane says:

    Looks like I’m officially an expert. I don’t know if you heard. Everyones an expert. Then again, if you can think you’re The Onion, I can think I’m a domainer

  6. Lucius "Guns" Fabrice says:

    The Onion? You mean, that boring online publication with no content disclaimer whatsoever?

    Nahhh…we are the Garlic. Spicier, stronger, hotter. Real stuff. πŸ˜€

  7. Shane says:

    I’m just kidding around. If you need a new writer let me know. I am the master of sarcasm. Here’s my first title. “Chef Patrick Lands Role as Stand In for “Turtle” on ” Entourage”

  8. Chef Patrick says:

    Damn, and this is my recipe for success. What am I supposed to do now. LMAO πŸ™‚

    Shane, Turtle? I don’t watch Entourage.

  9. Korey says:

    You guys crack me up πŸ˜€

  10. Grant says:

    You forgot 1 item..

    16. Post expiring domains and domains in auction and act like you know what they should sell for and why they have value.

  11. Samit says:

    Sad part is most of it is true.

    95% of the people in this business are just followers w/o a clue.

    What most people don’t get is the more successful domain bloggers are actually experts at blogging, not at domaining.

  12. 17. The domain you have that I want is worth $200.

    The domain I have that you want is worth $200,000.

    This can be the same domain separated by 5 minutes in time!

  13. Lucius "Guns" Fabrice says:

    Samit – Are we right or are we right? πŸ˜€

  14. Mike says:

    Wow, exactly what I was thinking…
    You forgot to mention posting 5 things “expert” domainers did not know about each other.
    As if anyone cared.

  15. pitbullstew says:

    hey now hold on a minute you seemed to have omited a few steps as well here I think?
    one step of course is that you got tangled up by Halvarez…and get a settlement offer, I mean really, it’not official if you never got the notification, you know, dont call us we’ll call you? And then a revised one,it is auction bid oriented anyways right? the next step that really caps it off is being a claimant in a class action?
    seems reasonable right?
    Ya cant be a real domainer if you havent reached the summa-cum-lau-duh that snapnames and oversee represent?
    Am I right here?

  16. Come on, that’s too much work, who needs all that when you can just buy a cool straw hat.

  17. Lucius "Guns" Fabrice says:

    No, Sigma. We only wear classy black fedora hats at DomainGang.

  18. daj says:

    I wouldn’t be surprised if most domainers with blogs, make more money from the ad space and links on their website each year, than they do buying and selling domains.

  19. Adam says:

    Don’t forget another key post a list of all the “available” domain names you found unregistered that you wouldn’t even plunk down your $7 to buy yourself.

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