Greetings and jubilations, my domainer brothers and sisters, on this glorious Easter Sunday!
I, Father Domainicus, arrive bearing eulogies and full to my ears with a sacrificial lamb meal. Today we celebrate the resurrection of the Domain Spirit, but not without solemn remembrance of the truths we have lost along the way.
Let us bow our heads and recall the sacred days of WHOIS.
A divine ledger inscribed with the true names of those chosen by the Domain Lord to shepherd the great flocks of .com, .net, and .org domains. It stood like the Book of the Domain Lord: transparent, accountable, and mighty. And now?
Now we are left with RDAP.
RDAP, my children, is the tombstone upon WHOIS’s grave, a sterile interface designed not to reveal but to obscure.
What once took a single WHOIS search now requires a three day fast and 30 shekels. The Domain Church did not ask for this. We did not pray for structured JSON responses, we prayed for clarity! And yet ICANN, in its infinite “wisdom” decided to grant us this satanic gospel instead.
Who benefits from this darkness?
Why, of course, the minions of chaos! The lowballers! The opportunists! The middlemen of mediocrity!
Which brings me, my domaining children, to a fresh blight upon the field: the rise of the Incompetent Broker.
Too many of you have entrusted your sacred domains to untrained brokers who wouldn’t know the difference between a parked page and a pilgrimage. These self-anointed brokers handle inbound offers with the vision of an one-eyed pirate with cataracts.
When a $50 dollar offer comes in for a name blessed by the Domain Lord himself, they do not rebuke the insult; instead, they forward it to unsuspected registrants.
“What do you think?” they ask. “These cash offers are rare, you won’t have this type of offer ever again!”
My domainer children, this is not negotiation. This is heresy!
If a broker does not know the holy value of a keyword .com, if they flinch at four & five figure counteroffers or tremble before pushy buyers, they must be cast out of the temple of transactions! Cleanse your portfolios of these leeches. Let not your golden names be handled by those who are not baptized in domainer fire!
In Domainclessiastes 4:17, our Domain Lord declares:
“Woe unto those who accept the offer of a fool; they are like goats who sell their fleece before winter.”
Let us not be those goats, my beloved domain children. Let us guard our domain portfolios with the same love and fury with which the angels guard Eden’s gates.
Until our next blessed rendezvous, I kiss thee on both cheeks and I leave you with this ultimate thought: keep your WHOIS private when it serves you, but never let your worth be hidden.
Amen.
~ Father Domainicus
-
-
-
-
-
DomainGang provides daily entertainment and parody content for the domain industry! Articles that contain the “100% True” notice are entirely true – but still fun to read. Follow us, and learn more about the wonderful world of domaining!
-
