Domain jungle – Part 1 : If TLDs could talk, what would they say?

Ever thought what TLDs think, when we go to sleep and leave them alone?

No, we’re not high on anything besides some real frappe coffee, but the question still remains: how do TLDs view themselves, and if they could speak out, what would they say?

What would they confide to us – their masters – and how would they want to be treated?

With the current expansion of the Internet name space, it’s a domain jungle out there! More than 1,000 (g)TLDs and growing. Thanks ICANN.

Here’s Part 1 of a whimsical guide about top level domain self-perception, for your education and amusement. 😀

.COM : My master is very demanding, I have to be short and sexy – they call it ‘liquid’ these days. I must be eager to be given to a new master, but also squeeze PPC revenue even in my worst of days. Nobody loves it when I get dashes around my waist. My best time comes when I’m straight out of a dictionary and everybody wants me for my good looks. I feel so used!

.ORG : They look down on me at times, thinking I only belong to some church or non-profit organization. But I’m very likable and although I’m a wallflower at times, I make good friends with everyone: geeks, gamers, even kinky webmasters. I’m the small package with all the goods for an affordable price.

.NET : I hate myself. I don’t fit anywhere. Some Germans want to steal me in place of their silly .DE and Americans treat me like dirt. I used to be part of the Inter”Net” but not anymore. People treat me like a dime a dozen and Network Solutions sells me cheap at times. I’m the last option when everyone else is taken.

.CO : I’m the first two letters of COol. I form COmpanies and COrporations. I move COmmerce and keep start-ups COmpany. I love myself – I’m short and fast and fun and don’t you dare COmpare me to anything you’ve seen before!

.BIZ : I used to be young and fresh and people wanted to hug me. That was years ago, and my bones have gotten brittle. I’m no longer the bee’s knees and I serve very little BIZniz. Sometimes though they treat me like an old lady that needs to be loved once in a while. That’s something, but I want to have some fun too!

.US : Screw you! Where is your patriotism, and why have Americans forsaken me? George Washington and the founding fathers of this nation would roll in their graves, if they knew how I’m being treated. No appreciation, no pride, no promotion of any kind. I am the bastard child of the ccTLD constellation, me, the son of the Stars and Stripes!

.INFO : I was born longer, with an extra letter that did not seem to fit anywhere. Some people loved me, some hated me. My body is all about information, and I do well in Europe where people still love to show me around. All it takes is a little bit of care and I can grow into a beautiful bouquet for you to enjoy.

.EDU : Come on man. I’ve been around since the early days, dude. Everyone wanted an email address with me on it, chicks loved to show me off and guys posted their ~tilded homepages everywhere on the USENET. Jesus, how times have changed, it’s Facebook’s fault that I serve no purpose other for Deans to claim I am special. Yeah right, bro!

.GOV : I have been abused beyond belief in recent days. Chinese and Russian hackers have pillaged my dignity and filled my domain with holes. I’ve been defaced and crashed, and became synonymous to ‘Obamacare’. I need some sympathy but cannot get it from government employees!

.MIL : I was born to protect the Nation, to serve and monitor its important communications and these days I am dying away, forgotten. Wars empower me, and the enemy tries to attack me. I thrive in times of chaos and global turmoil. In times of peace, I am only remembered as part of the old elite guard of TLDs.

To be continued… 😀

 

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