No waffling from Hank Alvarez - He tells it like it is over breakfast at IHOP
Nobody knows about the inside job, better than the inside job man himself – Hank Alvarez.
In a short interview conducted at a local IHOP, very close to the Bido headquarters in Sub-Central Florida, Hank Alvarez showed up in typical Florida gear: shorts, sandals and a t-shirt with Sahar Sarid’s smiling face emblazoned across his chest.
We sat down and ordered the IHOP Florida Friday special: triple deck Peruvian pancakes with sweet Mexican corn syrup and 2% Argentinian goat butter, Cuban coffee and California orange juice.
Hank was particularly alert, looking behind him most of the time. The waitress brought us our order; she smiled at Hank and made a comment about his t-shirt. Hank pinched her butt and asked for her phone number, which she jotted down. After this strange introduction, we got down to business.
Ok Hank, tell me man. You’re the person of interest in the Snapnames case. So now that you work for Bido, Oversee announced that they’re sending out rebates to all of those that you rightfully bid against throughout these 5 or so years. What’s going on?
Ummm, I don’t know Lucius. That rebate is money. Do you like free money? I do. I’d take the rebate. But be very wary of the terms and conditions associated with such an offer. Be VERY weary. I mean it.
I watched as Hank chomped down on his pancake, which was delicious, and proceeded to my next set of questions.
So, how should domainers act now that they have money on the table? Should they take it right away or wait for a pending class action lawsuit filed here in Florida earlier this week?
Listen, Lucius. I am not a lawyer, although my ex wife’s cousin Robin is studying to become one. But I will tell you this: get yourself a magnifying lens and start looking at the small print of the agreement. I think that they make the small print in point 9 size in order for you to get tired from reading it and give up. I always get my magnifying lens out. Best advice ever given to me both by my lawyer – and my parole officer.
Wow. That’s some juicy advice there, Hank. Thanks for sharing. So we heard some of the rebates are in the mid six-figure range. That’s a lot of money, you can still buy an overpriced condo in downtown Miami with that much cash. Do you think that Oversee plans to give all this money to those who claim it right away?
I’ll tell you *burp* excuse me *burp* what, Lucius… I am going to be busy in the coming months with Bido – setting up their network and whatnot so that the new auction platform takes off – and I will be keeping an eye on the Oversee rebate process. I guess liquidity is king, as Sahar Sarid says, and I am willing to put a bet that Oversee will stall when issuing the rebates. It’s all in the small print, my friend, that I was talking about. Read the small print. With a magnifying lens.
Very well, Hank. The small print also says that you should surrender any and all future claims against the company if you plan on cashing the rebate. What if – what if – the day after you cash it the court awards millions in damages to the participants of the class action lawsuit?
Tough luck then, Lucius. I did nothing wrong by pumping the auctions up a bit. It was my duty and my privilege as the VP of Engineering, to “engineer” higher profit for the company I worked for. It’s part of the game, people should not get upset over a few measly million dollars. What is money, anyway. You can’t take it with you in the afterlife! Hahahaha! Am I right? Am I right?
I see what you mean. Well Hank, it’s been a pleasure talking to you on this chilly Florida morning. It’s what, 65 degrees outside and I’m freezing my ass off!
Ha! That’s cold? Come on, Lucius. I come from Oregon where right now temperatures are below zero. You Florida guys need to grow some skin here, apart from strawberries and oranges!
Good one, Hank. Thanks again and I’ll pick up the tab.
No worries man. I can afford it. Thanks to all the 50,000 domain auctions I rigged and my bonus from Oversee for performance – before they laid me off. Such is life. Oh, and tell your readers to visit my personal site at HankAlvarez.com
As we parted ways, I could not help but wonder how long it’d take for Sahar Sarid’s permanent smile to be erased from his face. Hank Alvarez is not a man that one could easily trust as VP of Engineering again. Wise Greek philosopher, Socrates, once said, “If you get burned eating hot bean soup, you end up being wary of yogurt too.” Or something like that.
I knew Hank had a taste for sweet things! LMAO money must be good.