Revealed: The biggest Enemy of every Domain conference

TRAFFIC and DomainFest should be gas-free zones.

When people gather at one place in order to socialize, they are aware of the personal space everyone needs. It’s the American way.

At domainer conferences, however, where people from all over the world gather in order to discuss the latest and greatest in domains, a grave danger awaits in the darkness.

What is this secret enemy that can severely ruin or even destroy domain business deals?

Gas. Not the type of gas you buy at the pump, but rather, the kind that is produced by you.

Methane is produced by the digestive system of all animals, but what is natural and hygienic to do out in the corn fields is socially unacceptable to do at TRAFFIC or DomainFest, where hundreds of domainers are gathered to discuss domains. They don’t need to breathe contaminated air!

Passing gas while being around uber-domainers, such as Frank Schilling, Rick Schwartz or Dr. Kevin Ham (known as the man who owns the Internet) is an immediate domainer suicide. You will be excommunicated pronto, if you commit this ultimate domainer sin.

To avoid this embarrassing situation, domainers should abstain from eating certain foods that are known to produce mass quantities of gas, such as:

  • Apples
  • Artichokes
  • Asparagus
  • Beans
  • Broccoli
  • Brussels Sprouts
  • Cabbage
  • Cheese
  • Corn
  • Fruit Drinks
  • Ice Cream
  • Milk and Milk Products
  • Onions
  • Pasta
  • Peaches
  • Pears
  • Potatoes
  • Prunes
  • Soft Drinks
  • Whole Wheat

In other words, eat the shrimp but avoid the cheese canapes. Drink the red wine but stay away from Coke. Sample the spinach dip but distance yourself from the green beans.

The rest of the domain conference participants will be glad you didn’t cut the cheese!


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Comments

10 Responses to “Revealed: The biggest Enemy of every Domain conference”
  1. Tia Wood says:

    I am glad to have inspired you today.

    Someone please rub my tummy.

  2. Lucius "Guns" Fabrice says:

    Pasta and corn with your cabbage, ma’am?

  3. Pete says:

    I never like most of the conference food but what can you do…it’s part of your admission ticket. So I try to stay away from greens. It’s a good idea to sit on the toilet for 20 minutes before going to the conference!!

  4. BullS says:

    They are passing out BS too.

  5. Lucius "Guns" Fabrice says:

    Pete – Bravo, you are one classy domainer.

    BullS – But BS doesn’t smell, that’s the problem 😉

  6. tricolorro says:

    “…domainers should abstain from eating certain foods that are known to produce mass quantities of gas”

    Lucius,

    Telling people to avoid eating so many foods items from the free all-you-can-eat buffets at the Conference is dreadful advice.

    For every problem, there is a solution and it’s NOT abstinence.

    Every conference participant should just eat away…as long as you order and wear this:

    “UNDER-EASE” ANTI-FLATULENCE UNDERWEAR”

    ” Revolutionary New Underwear For Offensive Gas A Real Product for a Real Problem. Over 25000 satisfied customers. …”

    Order here*: under-tec .com


    *Hey, it’s probably tax deductible!

  7. Lucius "Guns" Fabrice says:

    Tric – this is an amazing concept, a fart air purifier. I wonder if Rick Latona will be selling those along with luxury watches 😀

  8. RegisterNuke says:

    Passing gas should be abolished not only at every Domain conference but at the office workplace. The so-called “dust cropping event” happens all the time at expos and conference’s regularly.

  9. Is this actually a major problem at domain conferences? I’ve never been, personally, but I have been to other kinds of conferences and trade shows. I can’t say that I remember it ever being a notable problem.

  10. Lucius "Guns" Fabrice says:

    RegisterNuke – You are so right. This “dust cropping” is the type of silent killer one cannot avoid 😀

    Answering Service aka Joe – You can’t smell them but you will breathe them! Ewww!

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