Domain conference organizers take note: It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, and competition is bigger than ever.
The agenda is full for the entire 2014; the proliferation of gTLDs and the expansion of new Internet business models have raised the threshold by which domain conferences are deemed successful.
These days, it’s not enough to have an attractive booth or to offer free canapes during the networking session.
Here are the top 10 perks that domain conferences must include for free, in order to be successful:
- Massage services: after hours of networking and standing up, nothing beats a good massage by an attractive Thai masseuse. Happy endings cost extra.
- Gourmet Belgian chocolates: chocolate is an aphrodisiac and a brain function stimulant; unlike coffee, it retains its effect long after you’ve consumed it. Share some with your business contact and close some business.
- Cab rides: Even if you choose to reside at another nearby hotel, cab rides to the conference should be free. Attend TRAFFIC in Ft. Lauderdale but want to stay in a cabana by the beach? No problem.
- Entertainment: In Vegas for NamesCon? Get a complimentary Vegas Showgirls show, or even a ticket for Britney’s new show. We won’t judge.
- Group photography services: Want to prove you were at Domainfest to your spouse? No problem, have your photo taken with the conference’s official backgrounds, organizers and even the show’s date and time in the background.
- Jealous Spouse discounts: Is your spouse the jealous kind and the previous perk won’t work for them? Take them along to your trip for free. Heck, it might help spice up your marriage a bit.
- Accident insurance: If you tend to drink during domain networking parties, you might slip and have an accident. With Obamacare deemed a complete success, more domain conferences can afford group coverage for the length of the industry show.
- Complimentary baby and dog sitting: Can’t leave the kids or the dogs at home alone? That should not be an excuse for not attending the next big ICANN meeting. Free coupons towards baby and dog sitting services are the ultimate perks, in the new multi-stakeholder model.
- Condoms: Whether you are a male or a female domainer, protection is a must. With unlimited condoms provided with your domain conference package, you can be 100% ready to play once the opportunity arises.
- Full refunds: If you are dissatisfied with a show, either because things went totally wrong – or because you are an ungrateful bastard – a domain conference offering a full, 100% refund will win the domain conference wars, hands down.
Alternatively, you can opt out of attending domain conferences altogether and stay at home with your spouse, take care of the kids and the dogs; have no nookie and whine about how bad your domain sales have been this year.
