Postal workers often work double shifts as porn stars.
In an effort to eliminate almost $3 billion dollars in operating costs, the US Postal Service will soon be discontinuing Saturday deliveries.
The twist?
All mail that would have been delivered on a Saturday, will be opened, scanned and emailed instead.
Now it’s the time to update your contact information with the US Post Office, which will probably acquire the biggest email database in America.
“A lot of people are concerned about spam and such”, said Marcus Lee of the Southeastern chapter of Post Office workers. “While that’s understandable, there is no reason to be afraid of the service that delivers millions of letters and parcels daily. We’ve been doing this job for almost 200 years!”, he added.
The new method of delivering correspondence is a byproduct of the proliferation of the Internet and email. The US Postal Service is losing billions of dollars annually, since the introduction of commercial email.
“You could say that AOL killed the USPS”, adds Marcus. “Had we known that the AOL floppies, CDs and DVDs would have given affordable Internet access and email to every person in America, we would have dumped them instead of delivering them.”
In an effort to shrink its massive deficits, USPS has slashed more than 100,000 jobs in the last five years but the latest measures will be the ultimate method to keep the US Postal Service alive.
“Postal workers often work double shifts as porn stars.”
What an excellent idea. Why not combine the two? Sales would surely go up.