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Black Friday Fights: Team Schwartz against Team Schilling

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Frank-Schiling-RS2After the legendary Team Schwartz faced Team Schilling during TRAFFIC last month, many questions regarding the future of gTLDs remained unanswered.

We talked to both teams, who agreed to fight a fair fight today, Black Friday, without using any sneaky tactics or the usual type of sabotage.

At 5:00am this morning, Team Schilling was stationed outside the south entrance of a large Wal-Mart, dressed in black shirts and slacks.

At exactly 5:01am, Frank Schilling gave the signal, raising his arm that bears a brand new tattoo in remembrance of the dot .tattoo launch.

Team Schwartz was not far; having camped at the north entrance of Wal-Mart, the team was led by no other than the Domain King himself, who raised a .com scepter at 5:01am, and a large flag with “HallOfShame” on it.

The fight was ruthless.

Frank Schilling and his team rushed to the technology sector, grabbing high priced items first: PS4 and Xbox One consoles, LG TVs and the latest 3D printers.

Rick Schwartz annihilated the home improvement section – the rationale being, investing in land and real estate property never fails – taking down expensive BBQs, front porch lounge sets and expensive pool cleaning gear.

By 5:30am both teams had accumulated approximately $185,000 dollars worth of gear – enough to apply for a single gTLD at ICANN – and time was half way through the 6:00am deadline.

“Frank, you know damn right that gTLDs will surely fail!” yelled Rick Schwartz from across the personal hygiene aisle, taunting Frank Schilling with a barrage of soap bars.

The response came in a salvo of VHS tapes and AM Radio sets on sale,  that rained down on Rick’s team like Persian arrows against the Spartans.

“Fine! We will do our shopping in the shade!” exclaimed the Domain King, squeezing toothpaste at Frank’s Team that took cover behind a giant inflatable Santa Claus.

Moments later, the Wal-Mart store manager rushed in, with a platoon of underpaid employees, and escorted both teams out of Wal-Mart. The game was even, once again.

Outside, at the parking lot, Frank’s team wiped the toothpaste and soap off their faces, Rick’s Team were busy healing their bruises caused by the heavy VHS tapes and AM Radios.

“We shall meet again, Frank, we shall meet again!” yelled Rick, raising the “HallOfShame” flag even higher.

Frank laughed and pointed his gold-studded knuckles at the Domain King, adding:

“Any time, any place, anywhere, Rick! Uniregistry takes no prisoners, prepare to be flattened by the hordes of our supporters!”

As the two teams approached one another, their faces thirsty for blood, I found myself on the floor by the side of my bed.

The clock blinked 5:00am on Black Friday.

It was a dream after all; another reason no to eat so much turkey and stuffing at Thanksgiving and a reminder that there are no winners when domainers fight one another.


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