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Louisiana justice of the peace won’t marry Domainers with non-Domainers


Baton Rouge, Louisiana – The Slimy Bayou News

Timothy “Duffy” McDonaldson is an unassuming contractor for the military; he spends his time off work fishing at the quiet waters of Louisiana’s numerous lakes. Meanwhile, his fiancée of two years, Matilda “Luscious” Santana is a busy domainer entrepreneur.

Last year, Matilda won the much-coveted award for “best looking female to attempt to break the corporate ceiling despite all the odds” award, at the domainers’ conference in New Orleans – sponsored by Parked.com

” I don’t know what she does with them domains, she’s a cutie when she comes to tell me she got them domains for sale and whatnot. I unhook my fish and say back, ok honey you done good! “, says Timothy with a loud snort. “I love my cutie pie to pieces!”

Timothy and Matilda wanted to get married earlier this week so they went to the local Justice of the Peace, Keith Fartwell to get their marriage licenses. What followed next, was truly beyond belief, according to Matilda.

“That Justice judge told me that I could not get married to Timmy because I am a domainer and he’s not. Can you believe that crap? He left me hanging there, like, my jaw dropped. It’s the 21st century and people are still so backwards in my state of Louisiana and can’t allow interdomainer marriages? I called my attorney without hesitation.”

When asked for a statement, judge Fartwell was very polite and very jovial about the incident. He explained:

“I’m not a racist, no sir. I do ceremonies for domainer couples right here in my house. My main concern is for the children.”

Fartwell said he asks everyone who calls about marriage if they are a mixed domainer couple. If they are, he does not marry them, he said.

“I have piles and piles of domainer friends. They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom. I treat them just like everyone else. But if one of them is a domainer and the other isn’t, I refuse to. It’s for their own good, trust me.”

“There is a problem with both groups accepting a child from such a marriage,” Fartwell added. “I think those children suffer and I won’t help put them through it.”

If he did an interdomainer marriage for one couple, he must do the same for all, he said.

“I try to treat everyone equally,” he explained.

Fartwell estimates that he has refused to marry about four couples during his career, all in the past 2 1/2 years that domaining has taken off in Louisiana.

“We are looking forward to having children,” Matilda said. “And all our friends and co-workers have been very supportive of our mixed domainer/non-domainer status. The judge needs a swift kick in the ass!”

The case will now be discussed at the Supreme Court, after Matilda used the Internet to file a lawsuit against the judge and has launched a web site at JusticeOfTheUnpeace.org –  Meanwhile her fiance Timothy was on a fishing trip with his dog, Lucky, down the river and could not be reached for further comments.

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5 Responses to “Louisiana justice of the peace won’t marry Domainers with non-Domainers”
  1. Tia Wood says:

    HaHa. Good spoof!

    ” interdomainer marriages”


  2. Lucius "Guns" Fabrice says:

    Those kids will suffer, I am telling you. It’s for their own good.

  3. Patrick McDermott says:


    Do you think Anishya of ChefPatrick.com Nipplegate fame could be considered a domainer?

    I’m keeping my fingers crossed…and hoping…and praying…

    Although living in sin with her won’t be so bad either. 🙂

  4. Patrick McDermott says:

    Although living in sin with her would’t be so bad either.

  5. Lucius "Guns" Fabrice says:

    Call the Chef and get her vitals, I mean, phone number 😀

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