Taylor.Swift.Porn.Sucks : Maxwell’s analysis of Taylor Swift’s inevitable career in porn

It’s happening, right before our very eyes.

As everybody has been talking about, Taylor Swift has acquired the domain names TaylorSwift.porn, and TaylorSwift.adult.

Business Insider has even gone as far as to call her a “business genius” for it.

I was positively baffled as to why she’s received any attention for this. Really, it’s no different from any other trademark holder participating in the Sunrise Period before a TLD’s official launch to the public.

I think she’s trying to make this look like a defensive registration so that no one else can get their hands on these names – but in reality, there’s something else going on, if you ask me.

What is that something else? Taylor Swift is going to be a porn star! 😀

1. A simple process of elimination.
I find it funny that she’s explicitly made a point of getting her name in .porn and .adult, but has made no effort to obtain her name in any of the other new gTLD’s, such as .space (as it would be just as horrible for her fans to think she’s becoming an astronaut), .fail, .catering, .memorial, or even .bible. As she has no known business in space, failing, catering, memorials, or the bible, a defensive registration in its nature would seek to eliminate this confusion by preventing others from registering such names that might imply such things.

As she has made no such registrations, we can only draw one conclusion… she plans to USE the adult domains! Which brings me to my next point…

2. The money is just too good.
Ever since Kim Kardashian proved that “yes, you can sue the company that published your sex tape and get a $5 million settlement from it”, it makes an obvious point of the facts that there is big money in porn, and that it is no longer “scandalous” to be in porn, if Kim Kardashian’s following is an indicator of anything.

There is also a clear motive present. In 2014, it came to light that Spotify substantially underpaid Swift’s royalties, undercutting her by a matter of millions of dollars.

So, someone who has just run into money troubles “just so happens” to register domain names in a TLD that is for an industry where the money is known to be big? This is too obvious. The signs get clearer, though, as you will soon see…

3. She’s been preparing for this well in advance.
While Taylor Swift is generally perceived as being a singer-songwriter, it looks like she’s tried putting her body on display when she performed at the 2014 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, modelling what were quite a few… er… provocative get-ups.

It also looks like she’s tried to make several goodbyes to the music industry, with such recent song titles as…

• The Last Time
• Begin Again
• We are never, ever, ever getting back together

… and my personal favourite, that says she’s had this in the works since as early as 2008;

• Change

I don’t know about you, but if I’m planning on staying somewhere, I’m not making hints as to my departure, musical or otherwise. 😉

But here’s the final, most obvious clue. As I’m sure you know, celebrities often rely on endorsements as a means to supplement their income. Taylor Swift already does this with such brands as Keds, and Diet Coke.

I decided to do a little bit of research and look up “Taylor Swift” on the United States Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) database, to see what trademarks she’s filed for.

I direct your attention to registration number 4514997, filed in July of 2011, which claims rights to the use of Taylor Swift’s name and insignia on such things as bed blankets, bed linen, and bed sheets. 😀

This is really no different than 50 Shades of Grey coming out with a whole lineup of branded product, including fabric softener, baby clothing, and the best one if you ask me… “50 shades of Earl Grey”.

Now, tell me, how many dissimilarities do you see?

I rest my case!

Note: Maxwell Arnold is a creative individual, fashion student and aspiring lawyer from Toronto, Canada.

His spicy sense of humor has led to several article contributions to DomainGang, and this one is clearly a humorous attempt to paint with parody Taylor Swift’s recent domain acquisitions.

So, if you had any doubts – shake them off.

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