Time travel is now theoretically possible, and ICANN is conCERNed.
ICANN announced its grave concern about domain names and the Internet as a whole, regarding a series of recent technology advancements by CERN in Switzerland.
The upcoming issue of the Phibbs-Jansen Quantum Physics Journal will be covering the story of an achieved disruption in the quantum-distilled time-space continuum.
ICANN considers this technological breakthrough a threat of massive proportions to the domain status quo.
“Effectively, we are looking into a 36 month window during which the theoretical advancement will convert into a freely replicable, commercial application,” said Hussein Saytan of ICANN.
“We are talking about time travel here, disrupting the quintessential event horizon of domain names and the entire industry is set to collapse, if we allow this to be openly available,” added Saytan.
The manifestation of time travel carries the potential of tampering with domain name registrations. One could easily travel back to 1993 and secure domain names that are currently being used by large corporations, or mass-control premium domain names that eventually sold for millions.
“It is not science fiction anymore, and the future of ecommerce depends heavily on political action that controls this type of activity,” said Hussein Saytan. “The government needs to step in, and ban all unlicensed time travel that would endanger domain ownership. Imagine, traveling to 1994 and stealing Sex.com, or RicksBlog.com, it’d change the route of domain history!” exclaimed Saytan.
German and Italian scientists at CERN have been urgently contacted to submit their opinion on the matter; currently, ICANN is in the process of forming a committee that will expedite the quest for government intervention on time travel manifestation.
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if i could just smash one of my bad twelve letter dotcoms into 4 decent 3 letter dotcoms i could save the planet… but they won’t let me near that thing even though one time i took a science course in college. people… don’t ya just hate ’em?
RaTHeaD – As long as you get access to the CERN particle accelerator, anything is possible. But remember to bring a tin foil hat along.