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DomainTools story: A Domain Thief’s miserable ending

ZFBot

At 5:30am I got a distress call from a dame that oozed fear, and a clear longing for an experienced domain investigator.

“Help me please, Lucius. My domain has been stolen!”

Naturally, I’m not one that’d trust anyone’s words. Especially those of a pretty young dame with curly, blonde hair.

We met in the early morning at a nearby cafe on Main Street. I was in need of good, black coffee and French pastries and this joint had both.

Gladys arrived not too long after, a 25-year old knockout that reminded me of War World II pinups. She was well-dressed and had a good layer of makeup on.

I lit a cigarette as soon as the coffee cup landed on my table.

“I’m listening, Gladys, what happened?”

She took a look at me, then opened her purse and took out a note.

“This is what the thief sent me through the mail,” she said. “It’s an extortion note asking me to give my domain up, or else he’ll shoot my grandma, a rich domain investor.”

I took a sip from my coffee and unfolded the piece of paper, then put it face down on the table. She played with her hair, nervously. I put out my cigarette and looked at her, face on.

“Listen, Gladys, this is serious news. I think you know by now that trusting a stranger with your valuable possessions, such as a domain name isn’t the wisest thing to do. We have to fix this, and I know exactly what needs to be done.”

She looked at me, exasperated but secretly admiring my confidence; an impressionable woman with the looks of a film noir femme fatale.

“Well, see Gladys, with Escrow.com things would have been grand. They now integrate DomainTools and its API into the domain transaction. All the info that’s needed for a domain exchange will be automated, as DomainTools has this partnership going on. It’s good to keep that in mind, for next time.

I could feel her disappointment coming on, like a sudden rain in Paris. I offered her a pastry from my plate.

“And how would this help me recover my domain,” she asked, her eyes looming large with anticipation.

I took a long sip of my coffee that was quickly turning cold, rested the cup squarely in front of me and gave her the bad news.

“Listen, sweetheart, life’s not always good to good people. Your domain is probably gone, in the hands of someone who used your lack of knowledge, your vulnerability and need for quick cash. There is nothing that you can do at this point, but let me tell you, let this be a lesson – a hard but honest life lesson – for your next domain transaction. DomainTools is now integrated into Escrow.com and you can sleep peacefully while the transfer is handled by professionals.

She looked very upset and went silent for a few seconds, then she reached for her purse as I watched her every move.

I’d take no money if a case wasn’t finished to the client’s satisfaction, and this wasn’t going to be an exception.

To my surprise, she took out a gun and pointed it at me.

“I hate you, Lucius! Yes, it was me that tried to steal the domain from my grandmother’s registrar account, after I started a transaction on Escrow.com with her info – but no! This DomainTools API prohibited me from taking it away. I hate you and I hate DomainTools!”

I kept my composure and looked at her, a beautiful dame with curly, blonde hair and a thin, red line for lips. She was full of rage, contempt and anger and she held a loaded gun into my face.

“Put the gun down,” I said. “There is nothing you can do. Your fraud days are over, Gladys. Escrow.com has notified the police, they are on their way to this cafe.”

Gladys looked at me, sighed, then lowered the gun and placed it on the table, then hid her face in her hands. I grabbed the gun and put it aside, right as the cops arrived at our table.

“What took you so long, boys?” I asked. “DomainTools and Escrow.com work really fast, it must have been a busy morning at the police station,” I quipped.

As she was being escorted away, her delicate hands tied behind her back, the waitress brought more coffee. I needed that java bad; that, and a fresh pack of smokes.

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Story sponsored by DomainTools – now with API integration into the Escrow.com domain services.


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Comments

4 Responses to “DomainTools story: A Domain Thief’s miserable ending”
  1. Puranjay says:

    Hilarious! This reminds me of those Calvin & Hobbes comics in which he would fantasize himself as a pulp novel detective (Tracer Bullet)!

  2. Lucius "Gunz" Fabrice says:

    Glad you liked it 😀

  3. Bravo Lucius. Best marketing article I’ve read in a long while!

  4. Lucius "Gunz" Fabrice says:

    Glad you liked it, Paul 😀

    There are some more here, happy reading 😀 http://domaingang.com/featured/

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